Meghan Jenkins

boozybyoj @ 2009-11-09T08:58:00

2009-11-09T16:58:55Z

I am too alone in the world, and yet not alone enough
to make every hour holy.
I am too small in the world, and yet not tiny enough
just to stand before you like a thing,
dark and shrewd.
I want my will, and I want to be with my will
as it moves towards deed;
and in those quiet, somehow hesitating times,
when something is approaching,
I want to be with those who are wise
or else alone.
I want always to be a mirror that reflects your whole being,
and never to be too blind or too old
to hold your heavy, swaying image.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere do I want to remain folded,
because where I am bent and folded, there I am lie.
And I want my meaning
true for you. I want to describe myself
like a painting that I studied
closely for a long, long time,
like a word I finally understood,
like the pitcher of water I use every day ,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that carried me
through the deadliest storm of all.
- Rainer Maria Rilke, "Untitled"

boozybyoj @ 2009-10-12T10:53:00

2009-10-12T17:55:50Z

I am sleeping with the enemy.
I am sleeping with the enemy and I am running.
Away or back though, i'm not quite sure.

boozybyoj @ 2009-09-30T09:56:00

2009-09-30T17:04:59Z

I get that nervous feeling in my stomach so intense that I simultaneously feel it in my lower arms and in the palms of my hands. I get it often and for no apparent reason. I get it thinking about my past. I get it thinking about my future. I get it listening to songs that remind me of either or both at the same time. I will blame it on my health and not the fact that I'm scared shitless of everything in my life.

ner-vous [nur-vuh s]
-adjective
5. characterized by or attended with acute uneasiness or apprehension: a nervous moment for us all

boozybyoj @ 2009-09-28T16:15:00

2009-09-28T23:31:45Z

I think about the sky and how high up something has to be to be in it. Where the air ends and the sky actually begins. I think about how insignificant my "tragedies" have been and how selfish it is of me to still be so sad when there are starving children and people being diagnosed with incurable diseases and mothers losing their sons to a war they think is unfair to begin with. I wonder if it will ever be possible for me to feel truly good enough for someone who meets my standards (that are knowingly set too high), and if so, how long it would last before I got too scared and sabotaged the one thing i've been waiting for my whole life...which will inevitably happen. I think about that few moments between shutting my eyes in a dark room and actually falling asleep.. how it's even possible that so many different thoughts flow through my head at one precise time, and how that few seconds can be both the best and the worst part of my day. Then I think about how much time is wasted on sleep, and how much different the world would be if we didn't need it. I think about adding things to my bucket list as they happen and marking them off instantaneously so that when I die it looks like I was successful in fulfilling a plethora of dreams. It seems to me that reading, "Drink wine under the Eiffel Tower: Check;" & "Roach a spliff in Amsterdam with my closest friend: Check;" sounds better that reading "Find true happiness," with a colon and nothing next to it. I think about all of my days thus far and I wonder if I have already lived the best day of my life (and if so, try to pick out which one it was). I think about the differences between destiny and free will and how it's completely illogical for someone to say they believe in both. I think about what it would be like to be around in millions of years when the sun burns out or what kind of things would happen if the History Channel specials were correct and the world really did end in 2012. Sometimes I even pray.. but when I pray for specific people I feel guilty that others aren't included, so I then ask God to just bless everyone (which is flat out unreasonable) and then give up and end it there. Sometimes I think about how crazy I am for thinking these things and other times I think about how crazy you are for not thinking about them.

boozybyoj @ 2009-09-24T16:51:00

2009-09-24T23:54:58Z

I'm sick of just liking people.
I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect.

boozybyoj @ 2009-09-21T00:01:00

2009-09-21T07:08:57Z

des∙ti∙ny [des-tuh-nee]
-noun, plural -nies
2. the predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible, course of events.

"His wife had not believed in destiny either, but she had different, less creative reasons: She felt the concept of predestination was lazy. She thought destiny was a mental construction for people who did not want to take responsibility for their own actions; she thought destiny made life too simple. Horace felt destiny made life harder. In a predetermined world, people were like slaves unaware of their enslavement. If not for free will, every human action would be work; every human acheivement would be devoid of meaning, or at least devoid of credit. And that would be acceptable - except that you'd still have to do all the shit that came along with it. . . destiny was a concept that forced you to live a certain kind of life on purpose, even though you were already living that life by accident. And that seemed immoral, not to mention stupid. Why would existence be designed as a redundant system? Destiny made God seem like an unconfident engineer." -Chuck Klosterman "Downtown Owl"

boozybyoj @ 2009-09-17T20:04:00

2009-09-18T03:13:12Z

I came home to a beautiful gift from a beautiful person.

Thank you.

boozybyoj @ 2009-09-03T16:01:00

2009-09-03T23:03:20Z

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos."

boozybyoj @ 2009-08-12T13:55:00

2009-08-12T20:56:29Z

It's coming down to nothing more than apathy. I'd rather run the other way than stay and see the smoke and who's still standing when it clears

When is it okay to say, "I miss you" ?

boozybyoj @ 2009-08-05T10:56:00

2009-08-05T17:57:35Z

Herein lies the problem:

I think God only answer's the prayers of those who remember to pray when they don't need anything.

boozybyoj @ 2009-07-20T12:50:00

2009-07-20T19:59:40Z

I hate, more than anything else, when I find myself being selfish. Selfish with my money, with my possessions, with my time, with my love. I don't need to keep any of these things to myself for happiness, and I certainly don't need to keep them to myself for survival. What am I thinking?

"It is not because the truth is too difficult to see that we make mistakes...we make mistakes because the easiest and most comfortable course for us is to seek insight where it accords with our emotions - especially selfish ones." -Alexander Solzhenitsyn

boozybyoj @ 2009-06-02T23:58:00

2009-06-03T07:02:03Z

"It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it were just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part about kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we all get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It's the high we're chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away."
- Grey's Anatomy

boozybyoj @ 2009-05-25T02:01:00

2009-05-25T09:01:39Z

Magical marshmellows float up from the river.
where crocodiles have gum drop eyes.
they cook up some cookies that are covered in chocolate hampsters.
candles can't be lit, coz they got wet by the fondu.
Now why would I be telling all this to you?
It may seem like nonsense but what I'm really tryin to say is.
Happy Birthday Meghan!
Have a Great day!
Cockatoos are joyous for being born with wings.
A dingo never got their baby and all that ahum.
Slimey buildings appear infront of ghost busters,
but they just aren't as cool as talking turtles of kung fu!
No I don't know where the water is.
Brandon I ain't your bitch!
mmmm mmmm you so won't be getting some off me again tonight!
ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha hap de hap de happy Bir rek ir birthday
MEGHAN!

boozybyoj @ 2009-05-21T11:38:00

2009-05-21T18:42:47Z

And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

"A major fallacy of love is that such exclusive feelings are reserved for one particular person. But is there really such a person? A non-fungable, holy-grail person, a unique snowflake for your tongue?"

boozybyoj @ 2009-05-17T17:31:00

2009-05-18T00:39:26Z

I drove home with the sun rising, rehearsing in my head what I'd say to you if I wasn't so emotionally inept.

Flash.
Give me coward.
Flash.
Give me temperamental.
Flash.
Give me selfish.

"Life is never fair...And perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not."
-Oscar Wilde

boozybyoj @ 2009-05-11T11:56:00

2009-05-11T18:58:49Z

Dear God,

I just want to make art and be good enough.

Thanks!

boozybyoj @ 2009-04-30T15:39:00

2009-04-30T22:44:19Z

Got a charger, no cell phone, I can't call out
Unless it's to cry your name out the open window
To a sky that looks right back and says it's never seen rain
Sometimes, you gotta start clean,
You gotta begin, not begin again.

Night settles, still working on a way to breathe
Dont you go. Don't you go down.
Take a helium taxi home to me

I hope you find the kind of happiness that I feel everyday just exisiting with you.

boozybyoj @ 2009-04-21T00:42:00

2009-04-21T07:49:58Z

It's funny how a change in those you surround yourself with is always shadowed by a change in self-perception.
She said, "The grass always looks greener.. until it stops raining and everything just turns brown again."
That may just be the hardest thing for me to remember.
I'm ready for some April showers.

Quite figuratively and literally.

boozybyoj @ 2009-04-17T19:22:00

2009-04-18T02:25:49Z

This weather is beautiful.
Today, I smelled summer for the first time this season.
Something like the mixture of coconut tanning lotion and home made fruit smoothies.
I want more.

"Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away
But one of these days I'll grow old
And I'll grow brave, and I'll go
One of these days"

boozybyoj @ 2009-04-12T23:43:00

2009-04-13T06:46:42Z

fam⋅i⋅ly [fam-uh-lee, fam-lee]
-noun

10. a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently live together.

Happy Easter.

boozybyoj @ 2009-04-08T14:19:00

2009-04-08T21:46:30Z

Dear Kidneys and Upper Respiratory System,

I cannot live without you. Please stop failing on me.

Sincerely your owner,
Meghan Jenkins

boozybyoj @ 2009-04-03T01:39:00

2009-04-03T08:47:51Z

I love nights like this one.
I love my friends.
I love tea lattes and the new Death Cab EP.
I love comfortable silence.
I love making you happy.
I love love.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul." --St. Augustine

boozybyoj @ 2009-03-31T21:13:00

2009-04-01T04:35:58Z

I'm emotionally attracted to people with extremely high self-esteem. People who are always searching for better things for themselves.

This presents problems.

boozybyoj @ 2009-03-22T23:56:00

2009-03-23T07:32:57Z

I have found complete happiness, where and with whom, I'd never expected.
Thank you.

boozybyoj @ 2009-03-15T23:10:00

2009-03-16T06:42:03Z

"We are lonesome animals. We spend all our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say -- and to feel -- "Yes, that's the way it is, or at least that's the way I feel it. You're not as alone as you thought." - John Steinbeck